My point of no return...?
Posted on January 26, 2011 at 01:28
Lately, I've gained a fuckton of weight because I work at McDonalds, so naturally I eat there once in a while. Or... started to anyways, now I eat there every time I got to work during my break -- I don't take food there. My pride and only way of not feeling like shit was in my good health and condition. I ran one mile in 5 minutes in high school, could hold hand-stands for minutes, and was very active. Now, I start running out of breath after 3 sets of stairs.
I've been programming a game for the past 3 months from scratch, and it looks like it's heading toward it's way of actually being finished, like my -- gasp -- last project was. I finished a game? Yeah, I was honestly surprised, I was under the impression that 64Digits brought on a curse that made people never able to finish their projects. Guess that was broken with v3, huh? Anyways, I've gotten to the point where I actually enjoy programming, the need of having to be active is gone, along with my good health.
I started playing Kingdom Hearts for my ex (hate her, but that's another story), and unfortunately I'm addicted to video games again because of it. I've bought over $300 worth of video game crap the past few months, meaning $300 straight to the trash, which I could have used for something, you know, useful.
Along with my health, my self-esteem has gone down the shitter. I've started school, and along with it I thought I was going to meet new people too. Nope, I can't seem to socialize anymore, it's like I was suddenly handicapped again. I probably am, low self-esteem tends to do these things.
My sleeping patterns, are, once again, shit. I was energetic before, for some reason I was perfectly fine with 6 hours of sleep a day. Well... again... nope. I'm starting to fall asleep in classes, even when hanging out with friends... that's never happened to me before.
While at work, my car almost got stolen. It wasn't and all, but it got decent damage I had to pay for. It wasn't much, so I paid it out of my pocket. Still, it was bullshit.
My girlfriend, now ex, broke up with me in the beginning of the month. We've been going on and off for like 2 years now, so it's not really supposed to be a big deal. It just is, I guess, because when she graduates I'll probably never see her again when she goes off to real college, not to a community college like her pathetic and unsuccessful ex. I mean, she's repeatedly shown she doesn't give a rat's ass about me, but I still got too attached because I trusted her again, and now I'm paying the price.
The last two girls before I started dating my ex about a month ago, have friendzoned me, hard. Which sucks, cause I at one point really cared about them, and I thought they cared about me too. I thought I was saving them from bad relationships, hell, it looked like it. But, it sucks, hard, when I have to see them run off back with their boyfriends once they're happy again. Seeing those guys keep them and make them happy in the long-run, something I wasn't able to do. Right now, they say I'm their best friend, but honestly they ever only talk to me when they have absolutely no one else to talk to, or are having problems with their relationships, which only makes me believe a little bit I might still have a chance with them.
Let's just say, karma's a bitch, regardless of intentions.
Right now, I'm probably going to go to sleep, thinking about even more things that are making my life worse and find ways of turning my head away from them. Because I'm a dumbass who can't remember how to start getting their life back together again.
Depressed? Me? Nah...
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