The state of being upset but not wanting to admit it.

I don't tell my "closest" friends all the truth, nor do I trust my own mother. I'd rather live in happiness than to face reality. Being blissfully unaware, regardless of what's going on.

I was depressed for a long time, now I want to be happy for a long time. I don't want to be sad again.

I don't have consistency actually. I'd like to think that I know what I'm doing all the time because I have everything planned out, cause at some times, I do. Other times, I haven't got the slightest idea why I, for example, got into a biology major.

People were amazed today, and honestly, so was I. "You worked 9:45 hours straight at McDonald's without brake David?" "Yeah, I mean, at least it wasn't 14 hours, and I was energetic enough to take it it's cool." "No David, here at Sam's you take a mandatory paid 15 min break every two hours, and you can't work without a meal for longer than 4 hours."

Forever is a very long time. I don't trust myself to hold anything for that long. As hard as I try, I don't have limitless energy to match the word of "forever." I'll tire out at one point. I can't say forever.

But I'm a bad person because of it. And I feel like a bad person for saying that. Like a horrible person for saying that. The worst.

And honestly, none of this makes sense. My mind is too much of a mess for any of this to make sense. It's always been like this.

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