these thoughts have a lot of (subthoughts)
so i went to my friend's 21st birthday party, and got to see a lot of friends i haven't seen in a while. basically everyone from my old circle, which i left in freshman year cause of Crohn's. it was pretty awesome. also more drama with Alex, yay. v_v just in time for my own birthday (i'll be 21 on Sunday). it was weird though. i ended up sitting with four of her girl friends after she left, in a dark corner of the yard away from the main group, talking about how all of them have only been able to get *so* close to her. one even said "we used to be best friends, she hasn't said five words to me tonight."
and thank god for Haley, she made it a point to say i deserve better and that Alex is an impenetrable rock of emotion ("i'm in a glass cage of emotion!!"). it's hard to argue when you're hearing it from someone you grew up with... especially the one girl you had a crush on waaay before Alex came along (Haley's way more hot though.. i like to think i had good taste when i was younger ^_^;). it was something i really needed to hear. i mean, you'd think you'd be happier to see somebody after five years apart. especially if you used to love each other. the last time i saw Alex, we hid behind her house and just held each other for over an hour. we went back inside and held hands. the simplest things can be so beautiful.
maybe that's all i can walk away with, knowing that i was able to love her while she was somewhat of a pure spirit.. at least in my eyes. i really loved her.
but yeah for the most part seeing everyone was awesome, Haley was especially fun cause she was tipsy haha. she's the one that runs the gaming blog on tumblr, if you haven't seen it. :) she's got 11,000+ followers and it's only been running since January! i'm so proud of her :D http://gaming-things-that-make-you-rage.tumblr.com/
in other news my dad's being a prick and has decided not to help me, because i've been too sick from Crohn's + not eating to call him. he's too much of a pussy to call me, so everything is my fault. yeah. v_v so i'm back to scraping by until the first of the month. aside from some money FSX sent me (THANK YOU for that by the way) we just have mom's unemployment to live off of for the next two weeks, i have like four dollars and our car is still in the shop. (you know, from having to replace the ENTIRE engine, thanks to my cokehead father not changing the oil, ever)
i have a paypal set up now though, so if you want to help any little bit of money will be appreciated. here's the email: firstname.lastname@example.org
also i'm working on new songs on guitar, but since my other laptop is dead and this one can't pick up headphones, i'll have to wait a while to record the guitar parts to a proper beat. sighh.
music's just a short-term fix to me now, while i work on bigger projects. i need to play SH3 again and figure out how long i want my first 3d game to be.. before the Aekiss storyline starts pushing +100 scenes. :( i have more ideas for it but they're too much to fit in the first, so i'm saving them to make a longer saga hopefully.
but yeah. thanks for reading guys! i'ma go be a diva somewhere else now.