the community that just won't die
2.0 (3 votes)
October 13, 2012
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Sir Randolph the Visionary's Black Onyx Yew Wand
This is an overhead action game with 10 stages. You can choose between two characters. Make your way to the top of the evil wizard's tower as you destroy his orbs of power.
...What the fuck?
October 14, 2012 19:12 - 4.8 years ago
Dude, the wand is not only black, not only onyx, but also yew? Holy shit, I gotta see this thing.
Unholy fuck almighty was that a terrible opening plot. I could seriously write an essay on just how terribly close-minded and bigoted and hypocritical and unnecessary it all is, but it's blatantly obvious to anyone who reads it that it's just ridiculous. I'm even more lost about what's going on than when I began.
Alright, I know this most certainly isn't the case, but I'm just gonna take the benefit of the doubt here and pretend that this is just one giant ironic satirical joke of a game. Maybe if I pretend everything terrible about this is intentional I'll find it genuinely funny instead of just sort of depressing.
Those instructions were just a bore to sit through; I skipped them.
I just entered the character select menu and I instantly realized this is the same guy who made Mystic Castle. I figured that was the case from the very beginning, but I wasn't entirely sure; I thought maybe it was just someone using a similar engine or someone who migrated from the same community or something.
Here we go again. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy playing this kind of game (by which I mean hilariously atrocious), but I'd be lying even harder if I said I don't feel gross about even being aware of it.
WHAT IN THE GREAT GATSBY OF
IS GOING ON HERE.
It took me like 20 minutes and a game over to figure out you get 4 white things and put them in the red things, because... because.
Alright, the controls are actually somewhat better than they were before, actually. Still terrible, but the top-down thing suits your design style a bit more.
I got to the second level, where the things are red, green, and yellow.
Everything was fuck.
You move way too slow to avoid pretty much anything. If the character moved faster I probably wouldn't mind as much.
The way you designed the level, I don't even think you give the player enough things to put in things. There are 2 or 3 everything-things, and only 4 green things, if I remember correctly.
I stopped. That was an improvement, but somehow still worse. It just didn't have the shitty charm Mystic Castle did. This just had really mediocre everything. Left a bad taste in my mouth. 2/10.
A TREASURE TROVE OF MENTAL TRAUMA
. I shall play these immediately, once I have the time to and want to feel bad about myself.
October 14, 2012 20:26 - 4.8 years ago
Thank you for your comment. If you decide to play again, this might help. All enemies move in a pattern. If you watch them, you can see the range of their movement pattern and hit them with your blots while staying out of their movement patterns' range. The wall gun don't move and fire at regular times. All of this may help you avoid getting hit. By the way, I have tested evey level. They are all beatable. You may have to search the floor that your are on to find all of the flashing chargers that will an able to to destroy the orbs of power.
October 14, 2012 21:18 - 4.8 years ago
Alright I remember playing this game about a month ago when it was in the queue. Goddamn this has to be one of the lulziest games I've ever played because it's so damn mediocre and practically breaks all of the rules of good game design. It tries and fails so hard at being a serious game, and that's why this was able to grab my attention because I can't help but think that you worked really hard on making this game, possibly expecting it to be the greatest thing ever.
November 11, 2012 17:23 - 4.8 years ago
CyrusRoberto, I just want to understand....how does this game break the rules of good game design? What are the problems that you see within this game?
November 13, 2012 23:32 - 4.8 years ago
Apart from the hideous 1990's 3D-modeled graphics; the ugly level design; the dumb enemy AI and lazy enemy attack patterns; the fact that i can move in 8 directions but only attack in 4; the fact that I die if I come within a city block of an enemy; the fact that I attack too slowly to kill an enemy before it touches and kills me; the fact that the story is eight hundred pages long, filled with unnecessary padding, and written from the point-of-view of a religious bigot hamfisting his elitist message down the player's throat; and the fact that the creator is either a troll or the aforementioned religious bigot, I don't see why anyone would dislike this awesome game.
November 14, 2012 1:43 - 4.8 years ago
I could list a number of things, including the inconsistent and ugly graphics. But I also don't wanna push you too hard because, truth be told, it would be silly of me to hold every single accepted game up to high standards. But don't let my bluntness discourage you from making games, though I am more than willing to give constructive criticism for any future project you may have.
People kinda liked your Hovertank game, so look into that game to see what you were doing right.
November 14, 2012 1:46 - 4.8 years ago
Thank you for your help.
November 14, 2012 14:01 - 4.8 years ago
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