Summer Evenings in Flames

Posted by Crazy Star on July 25, 2020, 4:07 a.m.

Danes are such weird people. They love to help the less fortunate but are reserved and unacustomed for conversation. Except when drunk. I've always been unable to tell if someone had a few beers or even a whole crate as we do around here. People are stupid anyway :p but that's hard for me not to value.

In general I've begun valuing many things in life. Offline life. World life. Physical life.

I spend the night next to a new friend. Sadly I … "accidently" *ahem* grabbed her boobs and my hand found itself glued onto it. Whoops. She woke up and I slept on the couch. In the morning she served coffee. Smiling.

It's a weird time for me. This summer. Not weird as usual. Weird as in fun, expansive and nurtuing.

Thursday I was dancing naked at the beach, challenging my fear of drowning in an attempt to reach a form of grounding. I want to connect to the earth. So I join up with the fiery sun and the vast waters to gain some sort of momentum towards Gaia. Last time I want for 1½ walk alone processing inner struggles. I also hugged an old tree one time there. Letting go.

It's kinda awesome for me to do that. Taking the bicycle away from town. They even have one of the finest museums in the country on architecture and Danish history. So big yet so detailed yet so varied yet so full of possibilities.

Later that day I saw a performance by a sword swallower over from the capital of Copenhagen. The location was my new hangout: A den of anarchists, pot heads and nut heads. Many are also jugglers. She had her 3yo son on stage with her. She was so freaking amazing and we all cheered loudly. I'm learning how to whistle ( 'pifte'? ) at girls and already I'm finding many uses for it.

I also sing a lot and play music and dance etc. My favourite thing lately is fire juggling:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BK9cmeB06s

In general I'm trying to take my life more serious. I stopped eating meat and I started making my flat presentable. Still trying to figure out how to make an income.

Money are scary.

That's probably why I never finished my old game projects. Fear.

I still want to program. Hopefully soon I will be able to do so again. But balanced and without the many frustrated weeks inbetween as before where I didn't know how to live because the only thing in my life was code.

I'll talk new projects in another blog. You have something to look forward to :)

Comments

Ferret 3 months ago

Sounds like you're becoming more outgoing. Live that life dude!

Crazy Star 3 months ago

* 'archaeology' not 'architecture' whoops ( and * 'went' not 'want' hehe )

@Ferret yeah dude :)

It's a completely fresh start. Been at it all summer and don't intend to stop socializing from now on. Life is so beautiful. Cheers :)

Crazy Star 1 month, 3 weeks ago

Summer hath passed

Am again programming

Still broke, yet the seriousness now handled by external phenomena ; out of reach

Everything falling towards the ground. My juggling gear broken. My new friends gone. My throat needed surgery out of nowhere. I cannot sing. No energy for dance. No interest in life.

In solitude. Home. Curtains closed. Starving. After insulting the danish people I knew online today I then proceeded to delete all the accounts I had here.

Oh and that "new" friend I spend the night with is now a former friend. She finds me creepy. I am.

Come winter come frost. Come blistering pessimism. Come fear. Come nihilism anger frustration misanthropy and undeserved pride.

This autumn marks the first 10 years since my love betrayed my trust and left me to rot, die or whatever. I already want it to end.

Crazy Star 1 month, 2 weeks ago

Suffering is eternal.

NeutralReiddHotel 2 weeks, 5 days ago

What goes up, must come down. However that downward slope is not eternal, and once it plateaus you know the next part is exciting, however long the plateau is.

Hope you feel better soon bud