Crazy Star

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September 19, 2017
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Joined August 06, 2005
Games (15)

Pixel to polygon
April 29, 2006
Dual weapon test
June 16, 2005
ST indoors
August 02, 2005
N0tt3r's Journal: A nutty winter themed game
March 26, 2014
Weapons
August 31, 2006
Topdowner
August 31, 2006
Platform RPG
August 31, 2006
Platform Shooter
August 31, 2006
SpaceStars
August 31, 2006
737R15
August 31, 2006
PolyEngine
September 07, 2006
Chaos VS Santa
December 02, 2010
My Apartment
August 27, 2012
Ghost Hunters - A Bearded Adventure
October 29, 2014
A Goblin's Xmas Tale (Beta)
November 26, 2015
Examples (21)

Pathfinding Algorithm
July 05, 2005
Binary Heap
July 05, 2005
Dynamic Rope
July 05, 2005
Collisionfree animation
August 06, 2005
Triangle
September 16, 2005
deltaDir()
October 08, 2005
Dynamic Shadows v4
October 17, 2005
Line Intersection
December 28, 2005
Bezier Splines 2
April 10, 2006
Water effect
April 18, 2006
Overlap Lib 1.0
August 26, 2006
Image Blur
September 07, 2006
See Through Walls
September 15, 2006
Line Occupied
December 27, 2006
JumpThrough And JumpHeight
December 29, 2006
Flood Fill
March 01, 2007
Move Distance Friction
April 07, 2007
DYN Collisions in 3D
April 30, 2013
Separating Axis Theorem, the
June 23, 2010
Another input demo...
March 28, 2011
Square to Isometric (and back)
September 12, 2011
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So that didn't go well..
Posted on September 03, 2017 at 05:17

This has been a weird summer so far.

I throw away all my money to a spirituality course on teaching various therapy forms.
So I don't have money for food and barely rent.
And I can't earn extra money because I'm retired / reasons.
So now I grow gradually insane / paranoid, and start a secret blog about fighting humanity and shit.
But try offering my body as a sex slave to any takers (hoping to get some food along that way). Failing that, I ask my dad for some money. He hands me some coins. Around $40 . Telling me not to keep asking for it.

Soon after that I start reinventing all the religions in a giant mix. Northern goddesses, me as some kind of messiah/wizard/guru. All the fun stuff. 3 days of miracles in my mind. I set out to screw the world, defeat my black knight ( my best friend who wasn't home at the time ) , become one with the universe etc.

When I ended up in the hospital I didn't know my own social security number or anything. I thought someone was controlling me. I got so damn many pills.

That was the first time. Then they threw me out of the therapy course. Second time I believed I had solved world peace, destroyed capitalism, in short created an AI that could do anything. Soon after I had Russia and China and the US on my back and I started phoning the Danish government, news stations etc.This is also when I walked outside naked until the cops eventually came. Good thing I didn't lock the door.

This has been a weird summer so far. I hope future projects will be more succesful than my AI.T'was an interesting field however.


Quote
Soon after that I start reinventing all the religions in a giant mix. Northern goddesses, me as some kind of messiah/wizard/guru. All the fun stuff. 3 days of miracles in my mind. I set out to screw the world, defeat my black knight ( my best friend who wasn't home at the time ) , become one with the universe etc.

Wait. Serious messiah complex here or just fantasy?

*reads rest of blog*

Yeah... are any of those pills helping you? I say this as someone w/ experience with similar insanities. They come and go depending on stress, other factors.

Quote
That was the first time. Then they threw me out of the therapy course. Second time I believed I had solved world peace, destroyed capitalism, in short created an AI that could do anything. Soon after I had Russia and China and the US on my back and I started phoning the Danish government, news stations etc.This is also when I walked outside naked until the cops eventually came. Good thing I didn't lock the door.

I'm guessing you still are self-aware enough to read back how crazy some of this sounds, which would be a good sign.
Posted by hel September 03, 2017 10:04 - 23 days ago
| [#1]

Hi Hel

Very real messiah complex sadly. It was great in the beginning, but then came the responsibility part where I had to prove myself to be worthy of ... well.. depending on if it was marrying Freja, the goddess of beauty, inventing the AI to conqueror all real weapons or simply just being the reincarnation of Shiva the destroyer set out to dance the world to dust - there was a different price tag.
Imagine having to experience every form of torture / pain / death in any plane of existence past / present / future as well as those in paralle universes then you're about were I was going next, I believed.

I'm sure you noticed here as well with all my spam posts about recruiting programmers for my AI project to destroy Bill Gates and Mark Sutherberg. "Crazy Stars Exploding For Fun". Or maybe not. At least now I have a new username here haha ^^ but that's ok I prefer this one.

The pills are helping me alright. Been off pills for a year until these two incidents. It's like a "high" that I can't reach anymore. So now I just chill at home doing not much except a bit of programming.

It all sounds crazy as hell. I know. But you should read my journal. The misunderstandings there are far more crazy ^^
Posted by Crazy Star September 03, 2017 10:51 - 22 days ago
| [#2]

Interesting. I suffered from a lot of vaguely similar problems when I was younger. I mostly recovered after a few years, but anyone who knows me well enough knows I still have flashbacks.

Good to know the pills are helping you. My main advice would be to just avoid the positive feedback loop of paranoia / anxiety. Whenever I worried too much about what was happening to me, it just threw me more chemically out of balance. Distracting myself with making music and art was probably the best thing I could do at the time.

As long as you maintain self-awareness, that everything we perceive is an illusion created in the mind, then you should be able to keep at least one foot grounded on Earth.

Since I've sort of established a healthy distance from what happened to me, I've started writing down my own fictionalized version of the events. It helps because even though my own complexes have diminished, they left very real scars in my mind (we can chat on discord if you want to get more in-depth).

Hope you get better.
Posted by hel September 03, 2017 11:30 - 22 days ago
| [#3]

Thanks man. Yeah it's weird it happens so late in my life, but then I haven't had the opportunity before. I think that's good advice you give. I might find you on Discord sometime.
Posted by Crazy Star September 03, 2017 11:56 - 22 days ago
| [#4]

reading this is tough. mental illness is an indescribable torment. i can offer only my best wishes, and my words of encouragement. stay focused, stay aware.
Posted by Fabio September 04, 2017 8:25 - 22 days ago
| [#5]

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