Posted on October 12, 2017 at 14:42
I never got an award for how many times I changed my avatar, or how cool my hair looked, or how clean my blog layout looks. I also never got an award for telling people how cool I am by telling them about my video game, or how good I am at Melee. Same thing goes for clothing, cleanliness, grades, job accomplishments... etc.
So really, what's the point?
Well, if you're going for brownie points with people and having them like you, the things I listed you can safely cross off as useless. They do not matter in the long run. They are temporary feel goods in a search for acceptance. When I was the most popular around my peers, was at my job when I constantly voiced the injustices from management and corporate as well as tried to be the person that "didn't give a fuck."
Being that person can suck, but you can definitely get brownie points for it. There's a courage in voicing opinions no one likes, especially among those who aren't willing to say them themselves. I've yet to receive my award for being like this, but I will admit it's the most I've felt accepted.
Right now, I crave for being important. But I'm starting to question why, or if it matters. Feeling important only takes care of me, and that's great for me, but what about the person next to me? My girlfriend? My friends? My family? Why do they care if I'm important or not?
Well, they don't. Only I seem to. But I'm really starting to question as to why it matters besides a feeling standpoint, or a moral standpoint. I got a tip at my job the other day for letting a couple of guests rant about Trump while biting my tongue. For me the argument didn't matter when I was getting money just for listening. This is degrading, because that's not what I stand for at all, yet I signed up for a position where just looking at a person wrong gets their panties in a bunch.
I have not ranted. I have not bitched. I have kept everything to myself and typing this out is making me realize it has to GO somewhere. I felt pride in being able to keep things bothering me to myself, but really... there's no pride in running home to a blog that a bunch of strangers are going to ignore. The real pride is facing these things head on, and with the financial situation I have, I'm afraid I have little options besides sit there and nod along until I get my real career started.
This is definitely a 3rd world problem. Not standing up in what I believe in for fear of retaliation.
And if you call me a Nazi, go fuck yourself.