Inspiration has left me like a fart in the wind
subtle difference to those around me
a world of change for the nostrils of my free time
To stay focused evades me like a cat with a flea
can't pin it down or catch it or make use of it
I'm currently useless- a burden to those who rely on my creativity
I sit and wait for it to return like a boomerang
or the weekend
boredom starts to settle in but never really takes effect
giving way to the deadly feeling
that I should, and could, be doing so much more
I could be out there now having fun playing games with friends
or even better getting drunk to the extreme
and stumbling like a one legged elephant on crack-
but I can't draw can't create can't think
without the wonders of my imagination
I am a shell of a man
desperate for ideas
and much like a dog without a bone
or a musician without an instument
I sit motionless and wait
...I HATE being uninspired. Weekends are so much more crap. I mean, we have Friday and Sat for party-ing (and recovering), then Sun is for me to relax and express my creative and artistic side. But without inspiration, I'd rather just sit down and do absolutely nothing. I can't get any game ideas - and if I do, I can't be bothered working on them - and even going over and turning on the PS2 seems like a chore. Wii is totally out of the question (and I haven't actually played it for many weeks - it definitely needs some more games).
I have 'discovered' http://www.last.fm
recently. It's great. It's lead me to many great bands (only one of, Gojira, I've actually bought an album of so far... some of these bands have crazy /forgettable names that I just can't remember at the music store- plus I always end up buying old CDs I've wanted for a long time). I've only had my thingy on it for a month so it's not great yet.
I released some frustration last night throwing sticks. My friends seemed worried. They know I've been just a little depressed lately :P It was after a 'party' which consisted of the 'Drunk Buddies' group - seven people (including me) who end up drunk almost every week (unless there's something better going on, but that's not usual). Other people are invited and all, but this is the seven that always show up.
Man were we desperate for booze or what - Katie drank half a bottle of Vanilla Essense (50% alcohol haha) and we got through some wine, shnapps and... I forgot what else. I didn't even get tipsy, though I musta drank at least as much as the others, and fast (I seem to take quite a bit to get tipsy, from my experiences, but once I'm there I'm but a few cups away from drunk). Katie also drank some Jack Daniels (or was it Jim Beam? I get them mixed up) that had been outside for many, many weeks after I threw it into Tamsin's back yard on my drunkest night ever (I didn't remember throwing it, at all, but everyone else says I did). It still had liquid in it, because the end was clogged with dirt. I can't believe she drank that. it had floaty bits in it and everything.
Later we made 'dinner', which was tinned Pumpkin soup with Blue food colouring (made a sickly green colour) with a tin of added corn (added to the puke effect) and about half a handful of various spices. It didn't taste half bad.
We walked to two different beaches, talked about all sorts of stuff, including how our lives were at the moment, who likes who etc. Katie was very blunt when I asked if the girl I liked liked me back ("No. No she doesn't. She likes some guy in her chemistry class in her own year") which I laughed at - in a way it's good news. And I much, much prefer absolute bluntness to anything else.
Also there's a chance that the girl who works at the pizza place a few doors down from my work likes me... she's always extra nice to me when I get pizza from there, and because I'm a bit of a regular she knows my name and everything, and offers me special things that aren't on the menu, and everything. She seems awesome, and if she doesn't have a thing for me (which I don't personally think she does) then she's a really nice person. Actually she seems to be either way.
Work ends next month, giving way to a four year course in game programming. I personally can't wait, though it'll be tricky to go from a teenage full-time worker used to spending $100 minimum per week to a student who will struggle to simply pay for bus fares, let alone lunch, games and music.
The course will start off with a one-year introductory course about C++, and making a game, then the three-year course will be making a full-blown professional-quality game created with the students doing other courses in the building such as 3D graphics and animation.
Anyway, it'll be amazing when my whole life revolves around game creation. That's my dream, and I'm living it, and I'm getting in early - 17 is probably the youngest age I could possibly be in this course at.
Now to end my blog with some useless trivia about myself, because that's how most blogs here go:
My current top 5 bands, then top album from that band:
1. Tool - Aenima
2. Opeth - Ghost Reveries
3. Die! Die! Die! - DIE! DIE! DIE! (EP)
4. Dream Theater - Images and Words
5. Machine Head - The Blackening