High School Memories

Posted by JoshDreamland on Nov. 9, 2013, 10:41 p.m.

When I was in high school, my fellow scientists and I sat down at our cafeteria table one day and developed an amazing invention. The device, decidedly avionic, was designated "OFUK-Airplane." Its hull consisted of a styrofoam container of applesauce and assorted fruit chunks, complete with a plastic lid. Its propulsion system was of similar construction, based on an empty container which once also housed applesauce. The deck and stabilizer system comprised various pieces of plastic cuttlery carefully crafted according to the following blueprint:

After days of work (or about 8 minutes to the untrained observer), the finished product emerged:

After its maiden voyage, OFUK was placed into storage for a term of months. Following those months, I retrieved the device and opened it up to inspect the quality of the food supply (delicious applesauce) within. I was greeted by no less than six distinct species of mold, which included the following: your typical white mold; a similar breed, featuring orange highlights; a bizarre offshoot which forms circular dense bodies with grayish green in the middle; a bluish, furry kind which grows in fluffy lumps; a henshit-green, satin-textured kind; an extremely granular, almost dust-like blue-green-gray kind; and finally, some odd, prolific species that resembles spent coffee grounds.

For your interest, I will link to some photos that I fortunately snapped of that, as well:

Photo from above


Intrigued by my findings, I decided to push aside the mold and sample a taste. Nearby classmates watched in eager anticipation, and slight horror, as I consumed roughly half the months-old applesauce. I can understand their horror, as these were supposed to have been rations for the voyage, however, I was confident in our ability to replace it cheaply. Besides, this was conducted in the interests of science.

To that end, I found that the sauce on top was sweeter than that at the bottom, possibly due to sugars being produced or transported by the mold.

I also believe I am now immune to all staphylococcus-family infection. Like some mold-powered superhero.

Thanks for tuning in.


Kamira 10 years, 6 months ago

I just wanted to know if it flew…

JuurianChi 10 years, 6 months ago

I would recommend that you consult a doctor, as I can't even stand Apples that are more than three days past their due date. But the applesauce probably had preservatives, so you should only be 5/16 as worried as typically assumed.

JoshDreamland 10 years, 6 months ago


Further than anticipated, but not as far as desired.

The short answer to your question is, no, it did not. But we like to make believe it did.


I now have a superhuman immune system. I don't need doctors, anymore. Unless I get MRSA or something.

GMWIZ 10 years, 6 months ago

Sometimes I wonder about you.. lol

aeron 10 years, 6 months ago

I applaud your inkscape skills, I for one struggle with vectorizing anything but mostly because I've only wrestled with photoshop's rasterized vectors and now I have a hard time learning to work with hardcore vector tools.

Also, your labels help me finally understand the function of all those (what I thought to be extraneous) apparatuses. Bravo, I say, and with that I also say uck. I only hope the adage is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

JoshDreamland 10 years, 6 months ago

I find InkScape is extremely intuitive. They've changed some stuff I don't like, but really, if you know how to work the grid, and you know how to work the bezier tool and the gradients, you have everything you need. There are some "advanced" topics, imo, but I'd classify those as

(1) Optimizing the XML (InkScape is TERRIBLE at circles; bloats the shit out of them),

(2) Filter effects (especially noise; usually requires XML manipulation as the filter editor is subpar),

(3) Clones: these are copies of objects or groups which contain only additional transformations and values for unset attributes

(4) Clip paths (really simple to use, can create awesome effects)

My recommendation is to keep an eye on your grid, or InkScape will rape you. Everything will be grid aligned, so your 10x10 square will have vertices

(1.127651351, 1.21546415)

(1.127651351, 10.21546415)

(10.127651351, 1.21546415)

(10.127651351, 10.21546415)

Makes me OCD as hell. I didn't pay any mind to it for that drawing, but for icon sets and stuff I do, it just eats me alive.

Acid 10 years, 6 months ago

It really does grid my gears.

Toast 10 years, 6 months ago

haha what the fuck

Has anyone pioneered an avant-garde mold cuisine restaurant yet? Needs to happen

edit: Forgot about moldy cheese fuck