64Digits

My book

Posted by Trevor on July 14, 2007, 3:36 a.m.

I have been writing a book for some time now, and wish to show you guys part of it. This is the prologue, I hope you like it. Comments, suggestions wanted. Here it is:

The Lost Hope

Book One:Haven

Prologue

The year is 2018. After many debates over many years the countries of Earth have decided to join and form one peaceful country. They decided that the new country should have no lethal weapons. So, shortly after forming their new country, they liquidated all of the lethal weapons, and those who refused to give up their weapons were arrested. They also arrested the people who rebeled against the no lethal weapons rule. They did this by using non-lethal, stun-type weapons, which were just developed. They were like tasers, only bigger. They eventually liquidated all lethal weapons.

The new country, which was called Earthiopia, also started a new science program. In this new program, they experimented with ways to bring fossils back to life. They suceeded. They began to make super-zoos, on all of the continents, since global warming had made conditions favorable for dinosaurs almost everywhere on Earth. They also created super-zoos in the far-north, where it was still cold, for the hairy giant mammals. All sorts of people flocked to see the dinosaurs and giant mammals. Everything was going fine in the new country. So, after they saw how well the science program had worked, they began to begin other, more mysterious projects.

Then, disaster struck. The dinosaurs and monster mammals bred faster than expected, they soon ran out of room in the zoos. The beasts escaped, and the giant tasers didn't work on the rough beasts. Humans were hunted as prey, forced to sneak around and run for their lives. After a while almost all of the human race was extinct. By this time, the year was 2025, and forests had covered a lot of Earth. The north pole was also covered in forests, but they were forests of fir trees, and pine trees, not the thick jungle-trees that covered most of Earth. The seas also had giant reptiles living in them, too. That was one of many results from the scientists' mysterious experiments.

The skies were not spared either, as they had huge pterosaurs flying in them. Again, this was one of the mysterious experiments gone wrong. The humans lived in small patches around the world, always being hunted, and always running. There was, however, one last safe place on Earth, the Haven. It was a small, walled city in North America, nestled next to the Atlantic Ocean. This is the place where our story begins…

Comments

Jaxx 18 years, 7 months ago

wow, a user with nine hits posts a blog AND it's content is alright. [^^] Congratz mate

Trevor 18 years, 7 months ago

Thanks, I guess.

flashback 18 years, 7 months ago

Idealistic society, impossible both physically and societally.

Trevor 18 years, 7 months ago

Truthfully, it was not idealistic, as the main character finds out in some of the later chapters, in fact, there was a lot of violence and corruption, it was just kept secret.

Polystyrene Man 18 years, 7 months ago

I guess it's a good idea. You kind of "cheat", though, because instead of explaining how the lethal weapons were liquidated, you simply said that they were. Instead of explaining how fossils were brought back to life, you simply said that they were. Also, "mysterious projects" is incredibly vague and broad. "Mysterious" itself is a pretty bad word to use- the reader should be able to infer based on the text that the projects are mysterious; you should not have to tell them. You can do this by narrowing your description and making it more specific.

Quote:

They did this by using non-lethal, stun-type weapons, which were just developed.

You should stick this little bit of information at the beginning. It sounds as though you just came up with this as you went along. Say, for instance, that the countries traded in their lethal weapons for nonlethal ones. And don't just throw that fact around. Honestly, it doesn't make sense. How could a country with nonlethal weapons fight against a country with lethal weapons? It just doesn't make sense. You need to elaborate.

Quote:

The north pole was also covered in forests, but they were forests of fir trees, and pine trees, not the thick jungle-trees that covered most of Earth.

No land at the north pole. Might want to move that down to Antarctica.

Quote:

huge pterosaurs

Redundant. Everyone knows pterosaurs are large. Use a better, more descriptive, less cliche word.

Quote:

The dinosaurs and monster mammals bred faster than expected, they soon ran out of room in the zoos. The beasts escaped, and the giant tasers didn't work on the rough beasts. Humans were hunted as prey, forced to sneak around and run for their lives. After a while almost all of the human race was extinct.

This doesn't make much sense. You'd think that the dinosaurs and mammals would be more inclined to hunt themselves than the relatively tiny and meatless human being. It sounds as though the human is being targeted. Again, you need to go into more detail.

Perhaps you shouldn't stick all of this into a prologue, eh? Kind of rushed right through things, didn't answer many questions (which makes for a rather uninteresting read). You can tell me things, but I only become interested when you explain how it all works.

My take. I think it's great that you're into writing. I like to do it from time to time.

Trevor 18 years, 7 months ago

Hmmm, well first of all they had no labs in Antarctica, so I didn't include it. I was talking more about Canada and Russia. Secondly, pterosaurs(Pterosaur is a general name for a large group of species) were all sorts of sizes, for example, some are the sizes of chickens while others have the wingspan equal to that of a jet. And finally, the mammals and dinosaurs were in completely different zoos. The mammal zoos were farther north, where the dinosaurs would not venture, and the dinosaur zoos were in places farhter south, where the mammals would not venture(Because they aren't adapted to warm weather). But you do make a point, I need more details. I am in the process of overhauling previous chapters to include more details. Oh, and the lack of explaining is for a purpose, I have made it so the main character find out all of this information in some of the later chapters, it is supposed to be like a conspiracy. Thank you for your comments.

Trevor 18 years, 7 months ago

Almost forgot, they weren't fighting a whole country with weapons, and they didn't really fight them , per say. It was a small group of people with weapons, and would be easy to fight them with the stun guns, but they would probably lose some of their police, so they began to work on other methods to stop them, but I will not give away anymore.