I feel awesome ~

Posted by abbeyminor on April 16, 2013, 9:09 a.m.

I don't know what happened to me over the weekend, but I feel really good now.

For a while, I've felt really stuck. My life revolves around cleaning, formula, and poop. So much so that, if Shaq is to get anything done besides homework and work-work, I hardly have time to think. I have no time. I have no friends. I have no interests. I have only expectations for time in the future.

This weekend, though, I had a dialogue with God (don't judge me!) and spent a little time doing some introspection and it's like

I want to do things again.

I know it sounds weird and trite and a little dramatic, but even before Finn was born, something last summer inside of me broke, snapped, disappeared. I ceased to be a person and became a mass of flesh trudging through my life.

I gave up writing.

I gave up books.

I gave up singing.

I gave up baking.

I quit school.

I quit my job, and pretty much just watched Grey's Anatomy and My Little Pony on Netflix all day every day.

Ever since, my involvement in life has been nonexistent, and I have been more or less stagnant.

I don't know what it was that made me give up everything I knew about myself, but I did, and I became a blob. It was like life was happening, and if someone were filming it, I was just a sticker on the lens of the camera. It only seemed like I was there.

Coming here helped me realize my lack of substance.

I wanted to post blogs and talk and create things and make friends, but I had nothing to say, because I didn't do anything.

I didn't DO anything.

So, in my absence, I have been sulking. I have been sulking and changing diapers and that's just about it.

Until yesterday, when something sparked in my brain. It feels like I've re-lit my pilot light, and I have direction, and interests, and worth. I have things to offer. I'm not just here.

I want to write.

I want to work.

I want to go back to school.

I want to try and learn new things.

I want to fill my time with things beside food and sleep.

I have the desire to live again.

Lord, I feel good. Thank God for this, guys, really.

I had to share this with everyone. :)

Okay, /end super-long happy vomit

EDIT:

I JUST GOT MY MOM AND MYSELF TICKETS FOR MOTHER'S DAY TO SEE PRICE IS RIGHT WHEN IT COMES TO YOUNGSTOWN AND I'M DYING

WE'RE REGISTERED TO BE CONTESTANTS

WHAT IF I GET ON THE SHOW

WHAT IF I WIN A CAR

WHAT IF I WIN A BLENDER

I WILL DIE

Comments

Astryl 11 years, 2 months ago

You stole my energy :P

I'm feeling about the same as you were. I can't really find it in me to do much besides watching TV (Something I never do, usually), watching anime, and playing too many games.

I'll snap out of it in a few days though; I usually do. Otherwise I'll just post a blog about me doing something crazy, like giving up on my projects, and somebody will whip me back into shape again.

abbeyminor 11 years, 2 months ago

Awww :[ Well I hope it's over soon for you!

I don't usually watch it, either, so it was really weird.

Don't give up on things you've already started though! My problem was I had nothing going on even at the time that all this caved in on me. It was more like I was in the ideas stage and it just… stopped. It never went anywhere.

I wish I had some kind of awesome, clarifying advice to give you, but I don't even understand how I overcame it :/

JuurianChi 11 years, 2 months ago

Quote:
I had a dialogue with God (don't judge me!)
Haha, Don't worry about that. :D

You probably don't need it, but good luck!

abbeyminor 11 years, 2 months ago

Thanks Juurian :3

abbeyminor 11 years, 2 months ago

Yay! Please do. I love good news!

princess 11 years, 2 months ago

immediate thought when i first read your edit: hmm, mother's day is a while away, why is she…. oh shit

but yayay, that's so exciting! i hope you win that blender! or car! or both!

abbeyminor 11 years, 2 months ago

haha, princess :)

THANKS I HOPE I DO TOO.

Even a blender would be exciting ;)