64Digits

ignore this blog

Posted by NeutralReiddHotel on March 29, 2008, 8:53 p.m.

you're not going to read it.

Warning: This blog is long. Also boring. In fact, to save you some trouble, don't read it. Even I hate it.

If it's 8:00PM where you live, turn your damn computer off. It's earth hour.

So I went to the Wayback Machine to check out my older blogs(most of the links were broken, but I managed to get one important blog I didn't want to delete, but did anyway).

Quote: Afraid of Sleep

It's ridiculus to admit it, but I may get an ugly nightmare. No, I didn't watch a scary movie or something like that, I just know I'll get a nightmare. Let's explain.

I've been a suicidal person for probably 3 years. Not really wanting to kill myself, but if you would give me a gun right now, I wouldn't think about it and shoot myself. For as long as I can remember, I've never had friends. People on elementary were assholes, no one would get close to me. I tried to make friends, but they all hated me. Why? I don't know, and don't care. After years of trying, I gave up in 3rd Grade and started being the quiet one.

In 6th Grade(which I was already in middle school), things were still the same. The last few months, however, someone moved in next to our house. I saw this person but never really talked to him, saw him in school and stuff. Afterward, I started talking to him and eventually became best friends. Heh, my first friend in my life, 'till 6th Grade, how much does that suck? I don't know. The school year was almost over, and I had asked my parents at the beggining of the year to move. Now, we were moving and there went my only friend. In 7th Grade, I started getting suicidal thoughts, because I kept my quiet guy actitude from elementary school. 8th Grade was pretty much the same stuff.

Now, in 9th Grade, I started making some friends, but they're assholes. Not the kind of people that come to greet me and stuff. I still couldn't stop thinking about how much life sucks for leaving me friendless again. That's how I started 9th. Well, there's something weird about my life if you haven't noticed: I haven't mentioned any crushes. I've never had any. In the beggining of the year, I got one. It kept getting bigger and bigger as days went by. She's the only person that doesn't make me feel like crap everyday. Why? I don't know. I always wondered why, but for some reason, she made me forget my old friend so much, that I can't fucking remember his name anymore.

People on my high school don't know me, so they don't know how much of a loser I was in elementary and my old middle school, so I just got rid of the quiet actitude since January(07). I started making better friends, and all that stuff. For once, my life didn't suck.

(look at the blog below) From September 30, 2006 to date, I couldn't spend a day thinking about my crush. You can imagine how you feel when this girl you've liked for a long time is with another guy. That was…unexpected. She's not the dating type(not that I remember). I'll probably get a bigass nightmare, since I'm not feeling depressed or anything like that. I just know it for some reason. What's this story's moral? dabridge sucks at life.

You would have to be extremely pathetic if you remember the first title from my september blog, which was "I can't take it anymore," which mean't "I can't be without her" and I was planning on killing myself. Like I said, it's weird that I'm not serverely depressed like I would normally be.

Hey, blogs were made to rant. >:(

Believe it or not, it's all true. For some reason, I remembered myself as a lying bastard to 64D in 2006/2007. I guess not, this blog kind of proved it. The thing is that I think I wrote truthfully on the blog because it wasn't even front-page'd(and still managed to get ~37 comments, lawl).

Anyways, I'm bored, so I'll just continue the story.

Okay, so what happened after that blog was made? Well, I conviced myself I had to tell her. Did I? I managed to hold up until the last day of school. I did tell her, but over myspace(hence the reason I have one, or else it would have already been deleted). Instead of saying "you suck go away you freak," she actually said to wait up to see what happens in our 10th grade(in the "we may go out" kind of way, since she also said she had a crush on me at the beginning of 9th grade)

Well, I was overjoyed by this, so I stopped being depressed all of the time and talked to her every morning over the summer. ^_^

Until, I managed to bore her to death. I wasn't a very talkative person, so the conversations with her only involved me writing stupid stuff and her laughing about it. The convos stopped a few weeks before school started, so I was liek, "wtf?"

Back to my usual depressed self, the first time I saw her(the second day of school), I thought to myself, "well she doesn't want to talk to me so I guess I'll just walk away," since she looked away before I did when we made eye contact. Bad idea, since then, I still haven't been able to talk to her. Why? Because I'm a gigantic faggot. However, it wasn't all tears because I saw someone in school who I had met over myspace in the summer. I won't share his name, but he helped me to get rid of being depressed every day.

Anyways, I guess I'll stop there(there's nothing else noteworthy in the story), and I'll just begin to explain some stuff on the "afraid of sleep" blog(except for the grammar errors, I was just generally stupid).

In it, it says that I couldn't make any friends until 6th grade. What I meant is someone that I could go up to and say hello without them looking at me with a face of "who the hell are you?" However, I had some people helping me, and me helping them, in the classroom, but that's as far as it got. How did I manage to stay without friends so long? Well, my video game addiction didn't pop out of the sky.

The friends I made in 9th grade weren't assholes, because it was only, liek, one. Yup, one. He wasn't a very good friend either, he was the guy in charge of dropping my self-esteem as low as the floor. Some people thought we were best friends though, lawl.

In the blog, it said that the girl I like wasn't the dating type. Well, again, wrong. I didn't know her as much, hell, I even found out she was bi. The guy she was with was a guy she liked, but never really went out with him as far as I know.

Do I still like her? Hell yes. I found out by a friend of mine, which is also a friend of hers, that she hates me though. Oh well. I did started crying as soon as I heard that, but I managed to get over it… sort of.

So there you have it, another blog made by me. Ironically, I'm not sad or depressed, so yeah.

Comments

Quietus 16 years ago

This blog makes me want to write my own, sorta.

…that wouldn't end well.

Why does she hate you? :(

RC 16 years ago

What the heck is earth hour???

Omega_Squid 16 years ago

There's nothing wrong with being a loner - do something you enjoy doing, and you wont need static from someone who doesn't care. I am in a super small public school less than 400 people system wide, 175 in Grades 9-12. Because of that, I have been fortunate enough to know and be known by others who care. I don't think I would fare so well in a large-normous school, but I am a bit of a loner so I wouldn't mind. I have the Internet and my family, so yea.

Crushes/Love in high school - I would not worry about it. Relationships last for more than 3 months (I'll be generous) 5% of the time. Its a waste; you have your whole life to find someone special. Take care of your future first! =)

I am not the best motivational speaker, but maybe this'll help ya.

Killpill28 16 years ago

Where do you live?

I'll be your friendXD

I was was not always a quite guy to, but my "loudness" died from a different source:

My brother beating it out of me.

I was a dog to him growing up, after a while…even humans learn to obey.

But, I always had friends, but have had NO idea how I got them, I never talk to anyone new, they all talk to me.

Castypher 16 years ago

You sure you're not getting the wrong info about her hating you. If so, then forget her. She's not worth your time.

Omega_Squid 16 years ago

Indeeb.

Lethal 16 years ago

Quote:

Because I'm a gigantic faggot.

Lol, me too ;P. Cheer up, don't let it get you down! Be sociable and friendly. As long as you have decent hygene and do that, you are bound to meet people. Girl trouble, don't worry. High School fucks all of that up.

NeutralReiddHotel 16 years ago

Quote:

Why does she hate you? :(

No clue, I recently started making up ideas in my head, which usually end up bad. "maybe she doesn't want to be seen with me," "maybe she thinks I'm boring," and all of that low self-esteem goodness.

Quote:

What the heck is earth hour???

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earth_Hour

Quote:

I am not the best motivational speaker, but maybe this'll help ya.

I guess I shouldve mentioned in the blog that I'm not a loner anymore. :P I have friends and stuff now, and if one group of friends ignores me(just happened recently), I go with the other group. It's better than just standing around and do nothing.

Anyways, I normally wouldn't care about crushes, but she's on my mind all day, what am I supposed to do about it?

Thanks for trying to cheer me up. :)

Quote:

Where do you live?

I'll be your friendXD

I've yet to met someone on 64D that lives on the same city I do. I live in Texas. It's not a city, but you don't live in Texas, why say the name of the city? ^_^

Quote:

But, I always had friends, but have had NO idea how I got them, I never talk to anyone new, they all talk to me.

That's kind of what's happenning to me in school now. Weird.

Quote:

You sure you're not getting the wrong info about her hating you. If so, then forget her. She's not worth your time.

I've been thinking about that too… but the person that told me wouldn't have a reason to lie to me.

Quote:

I have troubles with the "be sociable" part. I guess I was made to be quiet all of the time. :P

Quote:

You misspelled archive.org. I clicked your link, and it took me to a phishing site.

My bad. >_<

Fix'd.

sk8m8trix 16 years ago

Sudo make me a sandwich.

NeutralReiddHotel 16 years ago