I want to have a family

I want to be disciplined

I want to eat healthy

I want to have money

I want to be efficient at my job

I want people to want to talk to me

I want my work to be so outstanding… some, not all people stop to appreciate it

I want my home to be clean and orderly

I want to be loyal to my friends and loved ones by telling them the truth, even if they don't want to hear it

I want to be loyal to my girlfriend regardless of any perverse thoughts I may come across

I want to resolve conflicts on the spot, even if they suck, so they're not swept under the rug.

I want to be able to talk to someone about a hard subject without having to be interrupted by their life story.

I want to finish my video game.

I want my video game to be recognized for the hard work I put in it.

I want to go back to school to get better grades.

I want to be accepted to the nuclear imaging program at UNM.

I want to be accepted to the PA program at UNM.

I want to do both of those without being stuck in huge debt.

I want to be able to plan out a wedding/first kid without the debt being an issue.

I want to be a good car owner so my car doesn't fuck me in the middle of fuckwhere.

I want to pick up guitar again.

I want to be able to cover my favorite Neutral Milk Hotel songs and Beatles songs.

I also want to be able to play some Jack and Eliza songs too. Fuuuu. Definitely get some Black Keys in there.

I want to be able to start a band if I so chose.

I want to play in front of an audience one day.

I want to dedicate "Do you want to hear a secret" to my girlfriend by playing it for her on guitar and singing it.

I want to encourage my girlfriend to finish her book. Her plans sound amazing.

I want to be a fucking excellent boyfriend while not getting fucked over for doing it.

I want to have loyal loved ones.

I want to re-connect with my family at some point. I hate that i hate them.

I want to make friends when I go back to college. I hate how awkward NMSU was because I didn't try.

I want to be able to work as an EMT by January if possible.

I want to constantly be reading a book so I get through my self-imposed library I built up.

I want to have a healthy body by working out constantly.

I want to be a good father so I will read the bible to see what the fuzz is about.

I want to be a good family head by not being a gullible bitch and not backing down from what I believe in just because i'm scared.

I want to be praised for being such a great person….

…

But i'm not a great person. Nor do I have very realistic ways of achieving even half of that list. This is stretching myself too thin… even an idiot can tell that. So why can't I?

Because I can't respect myself if I don't try at these things. And goddamn am I going to try and get it right, if it kills me.