The more and more days pass, the more I am convinced I am still the same person, that I didn't undergo some kind of personality change or better individual.

The electricity of my fingers are non stop. I just wrote a 2 page essay in minutes over something for extra credit. The fact that I'm getting along with my friends again makes me feel better. The relationship with my girlfriend is good like aways, and I'm almost done with school. ONE WEEK LEFT! I can't wait to start working on my game again. I'm feeling it guys. This is it… I'm going to finish it in the next year. I'm going to grind as hard as I possibly can. I will make my dream come true.

My engine will be one of gods. The expectations are through the roof. The engine will be flexible to the point where I will finished Cursed Black, then make another pokemon game FOR THE HELL OF IT. Which one? Maybe remake Lost Silver with more playable parts… god knows the "author" send me more stuff to add. Maybe I'll make another creepypasta like Snow on Mt. Silver. Or maybe I'll just make a reverse Gen II: You play Gen I all the way until you finish then you get to go to JOHTO in blank and white… Gen II has always been my favorite after all.

Grrrrrr….. I am almost done with my Angelology book. It's pretty lit. Whoever hasn't been reading this whole time, I'm going to be THAT person: you're missing out. Watching shows or movies doesn't compare to the vivid detail of a book, much less the submersive feeling of it. I get bored watching shows now. Books though, if they are good, don't fail me. I finished, now that I think about it, The Gunslinger, the first book. Pretty dry up until halfway then it got SUPER lit.

Life is being good to me. I'm thankful. I'm also shitting my pants from the next final in a few hours… wish me luck.

Oh yeah my birthday was a few days ago. Quarter century club LETS GOOOOOO

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Wow, you've hung onto your game project as long as I used to do with mine, haha.

Your field of study always struck me as a pretty tough one - I can relate to the problem with instructors, though. I had some uninteresting or downright incomprehensible ones in my university days.

Having a job is nice, and having one you enjoy is awesome. (That's how I sometimes justify staying in my current one, anyway!) Searching for one can get stressful, though - try not to get burnt out like I almost did, you seem to have a lot on your plate as is. The networking thing seems like a good idea!

I used to have no goals, and could never imagine a future for myself. I do hope you haven't fallen into that kind of headspace.

You don't even know man. I'm going all out with this game. I'm doing crazy shit like looking at frame data and gathering it myself… checking pixel-perfect alignments to make it look so real. This much detail will be seen to the user that looks for it. It will look normal to the person that doesn't. No lie, your ColumnsX was fucking excellent and beautiful. It definitely inspired me to put more detail in my game and not just half-ass it like most game maker games. I loved the idea of having avatars there from users too… I don't know if you think about it but by making that game you made those avatars unforgettable. If I was working on this game when the community was a lot more active, no lie I would do the same and put members here as like extra trainers or something lol

I'm debating doing the networking thing now but I probably will. I just don't want to out of laziness, which is not a good excuse. Go hard amirite?

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Well, the impression you made last time was that it mattered to you that you didn't consider yourself as important to anyone. What I wanted to get across was that it really doesn't matter if you're important to anyone right now because what's a higher priority is that you're important to yourself. Once you've got that down, you'll become more important to other people naturally.

nah man I get it, what I wrote down might have been confusing. I do believe that no matter who you are, you go first, the world second. with my upcoming EMS job, I obviously can't take care of anyone else if i'm compromised myself. it becomes a very apparent principle in healthcare

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Nevertheless, my best advice for overcoming those flaws would be to focus on the most important of them all, the "lack of goals." I really think if you focus on that one, everything else will fall into place as you'll be able to develop a strategy. What I did to make massive change in my personality was to establish different levels of goals. Currently, I have five tiers of goal: Ultimate goals, major goals, middle goals, minor goals, immediate goals. The higher the tier, the more abstract the goal. Conversely, the lower the tier, the more exact the goal. So my ultimate goal is pretty simple, it's to live a happy life. Brutally difficult to achieve, extremely abstract since it has zero specifics. My major goals, serve this ultimate goal and have a little more definition. My own major goals are to complete a PhD, to have my own family, and to have great friends. These goals have more definition, but they're still very abstract and have no specifics to them. Thus, I have middle goals to help complete these. Let's take my third major goal, "to have great friends" and figure what my middle goals for it are. So there's a few prerequisites to have these great friends, so my middle goals are "be a good judge of character," "be a good friend," "be social enough to find potential friends."

I don't want to miss the forest for the trees since I suppose you've gathered the gist of this strategy of mine, but in general the lower tiers serve the upper tiers, the lower tiers are more well defined and exact (with immediate goals being excruciatingly defined) while the upper tiers are much more flexible and abstract. This gives me both the comfort of switching strategies to achieve those high tier goals, and the discipline in achieving the lower tier goals.

i do like this tier system of goals. i have one like it myself with less tiers so I don't get confused, but I do follow it. i still have my word doc of goals I wanted to meet a few years ago and my career goals are still on the list, as well as my game making goals and friendship goals. if i'm not trying to get them – they're not just magically gonna come to me right? still, it was nice to read your take cuz it motivated me to redefine my goals once i'm done with school and add more detail

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As for your field of study, I found medical imaging research to be fascinating and I sorely miss it. Look into doing some research that you're interested in at your school, it was extremely rewarding for me.

you know, i looked into that, but my grades sucked for it. this semester I'm doing right now was to raise my GPA, which I did. i might look at it again in january

Coffee Highs; Year 25

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