...Desperation

Posted by Ronnica on April 17, 2012, 9:10 p.m.

Have you ever heard that scream that instead of sending chills down your spine, it causes you to cry? Not the sound of horror, but the horrible sound of anguish, of someone who just can't go on anymore. The kind of sound from a screamer who digs their nails into their face and drags them down in order to release some sort of anxiety, some sort of pain.

The only relief being that pain. It's not death being craved, not at all. It's the need to feel alive more than ever. Thoughts plagued by torturous and destructive acts. Slicing into the upper waterline or just cutting away at skin to scar. Never to die, but to hurt.

I think it's anxiety that makes me the way I am. I bury my face in a pillow and let off horrifying screams that sound like I'm in the middle of being murdered. There is a pain inside me, and unlike an aching mind or body, it's a pain of the heart.

Forever living with what I don't want, and never being able to have what I need…

Look at me, talking to myself again.

Comments

firestormx 11 years, 11 months ago

Stop talking to yourself. :(