64Digits

In prison or at work?

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.
IN PRISON……….you spend the majority of your time in a 10x10 cell.
AT WORK…………you spend the majority of your time in an 8x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON………you get three "free" meals a day.
AT WORK………..you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON……….you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK…………you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON……….the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK…………you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON……….you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK………..you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON………you get your own toilet.
AT WORK……….you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.
IN PRISON……….they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK…………you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.
IN PRISON………all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK…………you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON……….you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ……….you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON ………you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK………..they are called managers.
I suppose being in prison you cant go anywere but a suppose it balances out life in a way.
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Loitering
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people."
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner… NOW!"
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"
Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop."
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INTERESTING FACTS
1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it)
2. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it)
3. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
(In my next life I want to be a pig)
(How'd they figure this out, and why?)
I FOUND THESE ON THE INTERNET SO SOMEONE HAS A THING FOR PIGS (NOT ME)
4. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Still can't get over that pig thing)
(Don't try this at home…maybe at work?)
5. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
(And pigs get 30-minute orgasms? Doesn't seem fair)
6. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmmmmm……..)
7. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
(If you're ambidextrous do you split the difference?)
8. The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of…?)
(Did taxpayers pay for this research??)
9. Polar bears are left handed.
(Who knew….? Who cares? How'd they find out, did they ask them?)
10. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)
11. The flea can jump 350 times its body length.
It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes…can you imagine?? And why pigs?)
12. A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death.
(Creepy)
13. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the….)
(Well, at least pigs get a break there…)
14. Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(In my next life I still want to be a pig … quality over quantity)
15. Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Oh, Geez) (That's almost as bad as catfish)
16. An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
(I know some people like that.)
17. Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Bryan 17 years, 2 months ago