Posted on November 05, 2018 at 7:53 PM
As days go by, I find myself with fewer and fewer words. My top priority is me and those close to me - it is not to preach to the world. My concern with my own life makes me feel selfish. My time is mine, and mine only - screw whoever makes it shorter. I have enough time barely as is - I'm constantly finding myself with less time than expected.
I want to finish with Cursed Black, one day, because I set myself out to do it. It's been a dream of mine since childhood to make my own Pokemon game, and regardless of that age I intend on making that dream come true. I'm not delusional - I know a D&D will come my way, and that all my time and effort will be for none. I also know that with the release of newer and newer game consoles, an 8-bit game is just not something everybody is going to be on-board with taking the time to play. I also know that the gameplay change from the original Pokemon Red isn't very radical - it's essentially the same game.
But damnit, I'm going to finish it.
Melee is going okay, I got boped by our ranked #1 and #3. I'm still sitting in #4 ranked in the state but there's people that are starting to catch up to me. I'm usually super fired up and have all this optimism about becoming #1 rank but when the #1 player beats me in motherfucking SSBM WHILE he has his laptop in his lap playing Runscape... it's hard to not lose hope by glaring at the huge skillgap.
My fiance is doing good - she seems happy with wedding planning and so am I. Starting a family sounds like a huge responsibility, but I'm not scared of it. The only thing I'm worried about is money - I'm hourly at the moment and changing to become an EMT who is also hourly. I'm very aware that's not nearly enough money to hold a family together. However within a few years I'll start applying to PA school once I have patient contact hours up and once I'm done with that, I should have a fairly stable salary. I'm also considering becoming a paramedic to help out with costs in the meantime - the only thing is, it's a full year of dedicated schoolwork and I can see that being challenging if I already have children by then. Lots of stuff to consider.
As far as me and her go I'm still pretty happy and almost honeymoon like. I try refraining from posting any relationship-time stuff ever since the epic banning drama of 2012 but I suppose better news is more welcomed than what I had going on back then. As of yesterday I've been with Terran for 2 years and still going strong. She's been nothing but sweet to me, which is a lot more than what I can say from my last relationship.
My mortality is real - I'm noticing how I'm not as young as I used to be anymore. But I'm not talking about being an old fart with his back breaking, I'm noticing little details here and there. My hands get tired faster from Melee. My eyes start to water a lot faster playing video games. I have a bit less energy. My muscles are starting to slightly ache. My hangovers happen more frequently with less alcohol. I can't see as far away as I could with the same focus I used to have. In short; I can tell my body is wearing and the sad part of that is - there's no going back. I don't feel like a grandpa or a full grown adult, I just don't feel young anymore.
I'm hoping to come back with content next time I post - my progress with Cursed Black, or a new ranking in my state for SSBM, or even just to say hello and what I've been up to I guess. Blogs aren't to attract comments or likes, but more to let the brain talk. My brain is content for now.