So, I feel like writing a blog.
I have not enough inspiration to make it flow nicely.
So, my life lately:
- Learning Russian and Swedish. My title means "my hovercraft is full of eels" in Russian. I tried to post it in Cyrillic but it wouldn't work.
- Listening to folk metal and some other music.
- I have read Crime and Punishment, The Brothers Karamazov, and Notes from Underground by Dostoevsky. Also been reading books by Chuck Palahniuk because I found five of his books together second hand for $12 AUD, I only wanted Fight Club but I bought them all. Read some of The Picture of Dorian Grey.
- Crappy computer is running ubuntu now
- Moved house and am currently sitting on my corner on the floor with my computer in this little coffee table, just so I can have internet, because my mum doesn't want cables going across the house and I haven't yet figured out how to configure wireless with ubuntu. She said it's like going back the dark ages if you can't have wireless, and called my OS useless because of that. Hoping this weird set up isn't causing permanent damage to my back.
- Met this guy called Josh who is awesome.
- Recommended he join 64digits. He goes by the name of s001911
- I am planning to build a massive fort out of cardboard boxes at school, for an art project. It's post-modernism, anything goes. For this assignment we have to be questioning something.
All I know is I'm building a fort, and there will be a flag. My art teacher thinks it's a brilliant idea.
I have a few different ideas for the fort..
I was thinking I could stay inside the fort, and have this tiny little entrance you have to crawl through, and watch to see if any curious passers-by will crawl through, and once they are inside, have a voice saying something like "congratulations, you have completed the first step of the initiation process" and put a cloak around them.
I could have a code of conduct or uniform code for the fort, probably a parody of the schools one.
I want it to be weird and interesting. Some of my friends might bring lightsabers and what not. I have quite a bit of support with this.
Any ideas for what I could put on the flag?
I intend on filming all of this.
So, I've been meaning to update this blog for a while, it's yet another thing listed on my incredibly long to do list. However, I'm not feeling inspired enough to write anything amazing.
I have discovered that writing the words of fictional characters, often arguing or discussing something with another character, is a brilliant way to express my thoughts. It's a way to get people to think, or simply get some thoughts down, without making absolute claims. It's a way to show both sides of an argument through the view points of different characters. If I am not confident in what I say, I can simply wrap quotation marks around it and put it in the mouth of a character. You can write whatever you like, there's a sort of freedom to writing fiction. If the thoughts running through your head make you feel insane, all the more interesting your character will be, so write them down. The questions needn't be resolved right away. I haven't written a story in a long while though.
Been watching old movies such as The Brain That Wouldn't Die, Little Shop of Horrors, White Zombie, Brave New World (1980 version only), Things To Come, and I may as well just link you to my favourites.. http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=AbsotivelyNothingful&view=favorites
Been mostly listening to In Flames (mostly old), Nightwish, the Misfits, and some of what they call real emo music.. I feel like making a cartoon, the old fashioned way. If I make one I will show you all. But I probably won't get around to it, like with heaps of other stuff.
Also, I have been struggling with writing my English speech. By procrastinating on it for so long, it's like I have built up an aversion to it inside of me, but now I simply have to do it. Although it appears to be an easy task, my mind is blank. It would help if anyone could comment with an argument against racism, relevant to the 1930's. I have to pretend to be a character in To Kill A Mockingbird. I hate having to prove something which seems blatantly obvious to me and should be to other people; I pretty much have to expand "Tom Robinson deserves a fair trial. Racism is bad. Equality FTW!" into a long, emotive speech.
Thank you for reading, 'tis much appreciated.
I want to live. Sometimes life seems boring. I started to feel this way occasionally when I was about twelve. I remember thinking that poetry and music were exaggerated reflections on life. I recently heard a quote that was something along the lines of, "symbols are more meaningful than the things they represent" and it's sort of like that. I also try to think a lot about the psychology behind things. I try to look at things from every possible perspective, at least in words if not in heart.
But sometimes I worry that if I lose my detached perspective and get caught up in the moment and just try to have fun, I will lose my objectivity and will not have the ability in future to think originally.
I also feel that way about my religion. Part of me wants to surrender to Christ, but part of me sees the flaws in logic and examines my real motives behind it. Do I just want to please the Christians I admire? Is it just because I was raised Christian and feel it's the right thing to do? I still consider myself a Christian, albeit a "Christian Agnostic", basically a heretic. I still pray and read my bible out of habit. It is ingrained into my conscience. However I find myself wavering when I am in different situations. I have questions which could challenge peoples faith. I don't want to tear others down any more for the sake of boosting my own ego by making myself feel smart.
Science, mathematics, and language, mentally wrapping our man-made definitions around objects and systems. Is science and logic infallible? Real science and logic is. But I find myself wondering if we will someday discover something which changes everything. In the past, some people thought that everything which was to be discovered already had been. What if we discover something amazing? What if we discover something we believe now is complete BS? There are possibilities. I mean, I'm sure if we discovered something truly amazing and completely unique which could not be explained my science as we know it, it could be explained somehow later on.. I don't know what my point is actually. I suppose I have been more open to different things lately. It is absurd that we even exist. What else is possible? I read about a talking donkey in the bible. It is ridiculous and illogical, but I was thinking "why not?!" Amazing. My mind can't fathom it. For all we know, we could be some cruel alien experiment. With or without God, our existence is absurd. Perhaps some discoveries are not possible to explain in our human languages, maybe we're unable to transcend to a higher level of thought. I started to be interested in lojban, because of that, I found out about the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis: "the structure of a language constrains the thinking of people using that language." Probably true.
I was thinking of just writing my thoughts down, then going and having fun, just having a remnant of that period of my life from when I had no life. All that really matters is how we living creatures feel. If the world was in ruins and we were going to die and believed lies but every conscious being was positively happy, then good. But I still want to know things. Even if I won't care in the future, I care now, but why? What will I miss out on? I won't be completely stupid, I will just be different to what I perceived my "true" self as being. It's not like I will miss out on discovering or making something amazing. I am confused. Some people are not caught up in this searching for meaning thing, they just live, good for them. They're not stupid, in fact they are probably smarter than me in lots of ways. But maybe I have high standards for myself.