hi i'm the reason behind mens rea :)

Joined on January 31, 2006, 5:51 PM Visited on March 13, 2019, 1:00 AM

MahFreenAmeh posted on March 13, 2019 at 1:08 AM

another day

well it's about time I come back through here and say some words. i really don't know what to say though. i am lost in my own life. i don't know what to do. i have a job interview thingy coming up and maybe that will help but im still worried
still i just think and think. all I can do is think, as it seems there is no action i can take to progress the story forward currently, no matter how much I would like to do such a thing. 

but hi 64d. i miss you 

MahFreenAmeh posted on May 21, 2018 at 11:08 PM


hey i know this is kinda petty but just bear with me ok cos like i really gotta know

what did I ever do to bother you right
like it has literally been a decade and yet to this day
you come back to my most recent blog post, which happens to occur around when you decide to come back (happy accidents!) and you sort of imply that you could tell who it was without reading it. now I know that that statement on its own isn't necessarily insulting or defamatory or anything, but the thing is, that sort of statement makes clear that you have a very specific mental model of me as an inividual, and Jesus you haven't let it change for a decade, man? that doesn't seem healthy. believe it or not people do tend to change. but i suppose if i still matched that heuristic of yours, then i must not have changed. still, when I first came here, you presented this strange wall, am obnoxious sort of individual that I could never manage to properly interact with for whatever reason. I always assumed it was because you held yourself to a higher intellectual standard than the drivel I was displaying when I first came in as a nascent teenager just really discovering what this weird internet thing had to offer. I can't fault you for any of that. And I also can't fault you for perhaps viewing me as a pseudointellectual; you have no idea how many times I have endured that sort of acrimony throughoutmy life . or maybe you so, given that you appeared to be one of the acrimonious individuals as it were. I can't really claim to know why you did what you did.

But one thing you did do was give me a goal. Something to expand upon; you set the bar consistently ever higher and higher until such a time as I could never possibly reach it, and out of some strange operant feedback loop I just kept climbing and climbing on up as high as I could to try and match that bar. hi my name is mahfreenameh and i care what you think. but I never would have admitted it back then. even if I knew it to be the truth. so really, I just wanted to thank you for all you've done in guiding me on the right path in life.

Which is really nothing, I just misinterpret everything to fit my narrative, ya know? one love bb

MahFreenAmeh posted on February 19, 2018 at 12:57 PM

hi you don't remember me but

it's been a long time. welcome home.

guys did you know you could independently and of your own free will create your own miniature personal universe to explore all the aggregate possibilities of every decision you could or could not have made by just doing this one thing today?

ok so check it. free will is a think. a brain activity. so let it register as axiomatic and definitive so we are discussing a non-deterministic universe (no such thing) wherein the symbology of free will survives merely as just a belief that the Individuals are free to act of their own will; it is merely a simulacra of a higher level behavior, a shim to hold you in until you don't need it and the higher level of behavior is the proper and natural way to e press.

so these beings, they can think and they can alter their desires and subvert the needs of life and reality if they so desire because while they still answer to the base instinctual needs the system occasionally sends out, more often than not this stuff is just sorta shot straight to that one weird place, you know, inside of you where all of your sensory inputs dump their info out and it gets processed. we perceive it to be the squishy gray matter in our heads, an aggregate of millions of subservient molecular and such critters just being what they are and vying to live because if life does one thing it is LIVE.

well once the sensory perceptions are off loaded to their processor whatever that may be (gg PC GAMING MASTER RACE you have been theoretically outshined by the ingenuity of "natural" selection and survival of the fittest which it certainly may have been until they saw us come along and realize hey there's little biocomputers aren't just dumping their VRAM, they are passing it through uncountably many transactions and connections in ways that the human mind could not begin to fathom simply because how do you conceive that which consists of parts that are "more" than just yourself.

anyway these cute little biobots just go around and live life and wow it's almost like when they get their information context stream some part of them has learned to respond to very specific patterns of synaptic activity. neurons firing in the brain, their relative weights and states thereafter, this a medical image doth make, an inkblot of the thoughts

but now wait a minute every single one of those thoughts existed in its own finite little universe, its own buffered off storage space. that's the nature of a thought. it's a contextualized pattern of neurons firing to elicit a physical and perhaps mental response. and it isn't so much stored as kinda just heaped on raw for possible later review and purvey, you know, strategic analysis for future simulations and what not etc. even if you don't want to avoid the prime directive of the simulation you're in it seems like you're still gonna be stuck under control in it.

take a breath. this is just Portland Road. we got about a whole city to cover before I really lay the depth and machinations of this all down for you. Yes you, specifically. The lips of wisdom are closed but to the ears of those who might Understand. you made the dive, now it's time to decide, did you really want to be in the Deep End? it's okay if not. you can still run away now. :)