hi i'm the reason behind mens rea :)

Joined on January 31, 2006, 5:51 PM Visited on March 13, 2019, 1:00 AM


by MahFreenAmeh

Posted on May 21, 2018 at 11:08 PM

hey i know this is kinda petty but just bear with me ok cos like i really gotta know

what did I ever do to bother you right
like it has literally been a decade and yet to this day
you come back to my most recent blog post, which happens to occur around when you decide to come back (happy accidents!) and you sort of imply that you could tell who it was without reading it. now I know that that statement on its own isn't necessarily insulting or defamatory or anything, but the thing is, that sort of statement makes clear that you have a very specific mental model of me as an inividual, and Jesus you haven't let it change for a decade, man? that doesn't seem healthy. believe it or not people do tend to change. but i suppose if i still matched that heuristic of yours, then i must not have changed. still, when I first came here, you presented this strange wall, am obnoxious sort of individual that I could never manage to properly interact with for whatever reason. I always assumed it was because you held yourself to a higher intellectual standard than the drivel I was displaying when I first came in as a nascent teenager just really discovering what this weird internet thing had to offer. I can't fault you for any of that. And I also can't fault you for perhaps viewing me as a pseudointellectual; you have no idea how many times I have endured that sort of acrimony throughoutmy life . or maybe you so, given that you appeared to be one of the acrimonious individuals as it were. I can't really claim to know why you did what you did.

But one thing you did do was give me a goal. Something to expand upon; you set the bar consistently ever higher and higher until such a time as I could never possibly reach it, and out of some strange operant feedback loop I just kept climbing and climbing on up as high as I could to try and match that bar. hi my name is mahfreenameh and i care what you think. but I never would have admitted it back then. even if I knew it to be the truth. so really, I just wanted to thank you for all you've done in guiding me on the right path in life.

Which is really nothing, I just misinterpret everything to fit my narrative, ya know? one love bb