5.7 (3 votes)
    GM 8
    August 02, 2012
Dev - DB/form (refering to updated - check code)
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Mystic Castle
You strength indicator is on the upper left of the screen. As you get hit, it will turn from red to white. Walking over large blue balls that pulse will increase your maximum strength. Eating food will restore some of the strength that you have lost. To eat any foot, just walk over it. Fight your way through each stage until your reach the doorway. Once you are at the doorway, just walk over the door. To advance to the next stage, you must have your feet on the floor as you walk over the door.

The controls are:
<SHIFT> swing your sword at mid level
<CTRL> swing your sword low
<SPACE> jump
Arrow keys, move left and right. Pressing the DOWN arrow key will make you duck. You can climb ladders with the UP and DOWN arrow keys.

Enemies can be killed with, of course, your sword. But, you must hit them with the TIP of your sword.

When you fight the bosses, their strength indicator is located in the top center if the screen.

When you get an intermission scene, press <SPACE> to advance through it or <S> to skip it.

Please see the instructions that come with the game for details about the other stages.


Target platforms:

oH MY God I couldn't even get past the 2nd enemy and I freakin love this
Posted by magicdweedoo August 05, 2012 0:44 - 5 years ago
| [#1]

Posted by sheep_biter August 05, 2012 4:15 - 5 years ago
| [#2]

To quit, press and hold both <alt> and <F4> at once. There is no restart option, however. When attacking enemies, it is always important to remember that your sword's TIP, or rather, the upper portion of the blade deals damage. Most enemies moves in set patterns that repeat. You can stay out of their movement range and strike them as they near you. For example, when you see the very first enemy that appears in the game, you can retreat, turn back, and hit him as you remain out of his movement range. I hope this helps.
Posted by frankie August 05, 2012 22:46 - 5 years ago
| [#3]

Going to play this in a little bit. The readme had me in fucking stitches. I'll edit this post as my impressions mature.

My first impression, at least, is that this is going to be a brilliant half-lucid fucknut nightmare of pure bliss.


This is fucking beautiful.

My favorite enemy so far: the prancing meat-puppet who is easily the largest character and, quite paradoxically, also has the smallest cream-blue fireworks upon death. I am not being sarcastic in the least when I say that was fucking amazing comedy right there. The midget robots come in at a close second.

I'm already giving this a 10/10 rating, but I'm going to keep posting my thoughts. There's just so much ridiculous shit to go through.

That vault level thing was surprisingly hectic, although that might just be because it took me 10 minutes to figure out the purpose of those weird circle things on the wall. Also, good choice of music.

The gems thing is completely and utterly unfathomable. At first I thought it was some sort of defense thing, where I was supposed to protect the gems from the dragonflies, but I caught on. Sorta.

DUDE, STOP WHIPPING HER FUCKING FEET. THAT'S JUST WEIRD. Still, that boss fight was something else.

I just realized in the cutscene what her shirt said. That explains everything.

Wait a minute. What's going on here in this cutscene, anyways...

Bare feet?

I... I just fucking lost it. Holy shit. This is the greatest game ever to be posted on this site, bar none. You win. You win everything. Someone should make this guy a custom badge, with like feet or something. He is the fucking winner of everything.

Edit 2: FUCK Boss 4:3. He is a complete piece of undodgeable hacky shit. The floorstomping move is the cuntiest thing I have ever seen in a boss battle in months. What the fuck. This completely destroyed an otherwise flawless game. 9/10.

Edit 3: I'm trying it again. I found a glitch where if you grab those blue orb things and die, they reset. I buffed myself up about four notches more than I was at before, and I beat him no sweat. Let's see where this takes me. I'm beating this motherfucker tonight.

Holy shit was that an incredibly racist and insensitive cutscene. What the hell. What happened to the extremely awkward feet talk? Now all I'm getting is the main character's dead (and uneven) stare into my soul as she talks without passion about the killing of thousands of people of certain persuasions by the villains. I'm seriously a bit creeped out right now.

HOLY SHIT THE OTHER CHICK IS EVEN MORE TERRIFYING. I just plunged head-first deep into the soulless chasms of the Uncanny Valley.

Never before have I seen a transition whereby the camera zooms in on 8 pixels upon a poorly rendered lady's forehead. I feel much worse about myself now that I did.

Stage 4 was mostly eventless.

The stage 5 boss fight actually was pretty well-made (considering), especially once you figure out his weakness.

The final boss fight was just silly, although this may be at least partially due to my "cheating" with the extra health. If you let him swing, and walk through the green circle thing, he never unfreezes out of his stance; now all you have to do is slowly whittle down his health. It was really annoying that you slide back whenever you attack, though.

The ending cutscene was a bit awkward, especially with 3-second non-repeating soundclips covering for 30-second segments.


Well, that was definitely a wild ride. I'm still not entirely sure what the actual plot was (I admit I only skimmed through the readme), but the whole gem-wielding mystic thing was pretty imaginative, and that adds a sort of context to breaking into his vaults to destroy his gems. It's definitely a unique game, although to be honest I'm not sure how much of that was actually intentional on your part. Let's just say this game was charming, but probably for all the wrong reasons. I'm most likely the only guy here who genuinely enjoys playing games as completely bizarre as this.

Alright, I'll still give you a 9 because I had a great time, but here are my actual section-by-section scores:

Music/SFX - 2/10. Clearly ripped. Forgivable for a first game (especially with the Rammstein midi thrown in there), but if you're considering doing this seriously, either try making games without music, make your own music, find someone to make music for you, or make extremely bizarre games where it's obvious that the decision was intentional.

Graphics - 3/10. You definitely put a lot of effort into the character modeling, but that all goes to waste if you're going to go cheap on the animations (and trust me, you did). Also, read up on Uncanny Valley; you might not realize it, but you just took a trip there while you were making this. The graphics were extremely mismatched, and some of them feel like they might be ripped, although I wouldn't be able to recognize the sources. It just ends up looking ridiculous. Charming (for me at least), but still ridiculous.

Gameplay - This one I'll do by level type.

Platforming levels - 1/10. Complete trash. The physics, the combat, the enemy designs, everything. The swordplay was downright barbaric (in the worst connotation possible) and completely unnatural. Nothing worked right; it was a joke at best. I only looked forward to these sections because I could leave the game running for a second in the beginnings without fear of getting a game over (seeing as you can't pause). This wouldn't be so bad if it didn't have a countdown. The one thing I sort of liked about this in a non-ironic sense was the vase motif at the beginning of every stage, where it was always a different color. That, and I have to admit, the jumping meatman enemy was kind of cool, if not terribly easy. And some of the settings were imaginative, I guess.

Vault levels - 7/10. Seriously, in retrospect, this was the most tense part of the game (early on, at least). I had to frantically rush around and find the right color and shoot the terribly small targets, and then switch to another color when a skull's clown nose attack (as I like to think of it) slowly inflated to a hazardous degree, and hope I could get it in time. This was genuinely a cool part of the game, and I wish you could have built more upon it than just adding nesting targets.

Gem levels - 0/10. Completely pointless. The different colors don't really change anything; if there's a firefly in the room, you're gonna shoot it regardless, simply because if you don't it'll start shooting shit at your little pearl thing. I hated these. Fucking godawful.

Boss levels - 5/10. I really, really liked the way you designed the boss battles, where they shot different projectiles with different trajectories and attack patterns. This is very much something I've been doing myself in Lobster Fight and 50 Duel Knight. I love that someone else sees the potential in this concept. However, due to the shoddy design of the combat engine, the actual execution of said designs fell flat quite quickly, what with everything being so huge, your character not being able to move fast enough, the absolutely horrendous collision checking, and some cheap, even occasionally undodgeable moves (especially with the third boss). I liked where it was going, however, and if you can clean up your physics and combat engine, I can see a lot of potential in really working on this one aspect, really pinning down that concept of a quasi-shmup platformer hack-n-slash design methodology.

Story - 6/10. I couldn't follow what was going on, but the theme was pretty cool, mixing ancient sorcery with modern-day warfare and even science-fiction elements with the spaceship at the end. I really like when people don't worry as much about precisely "when" their universe takes place; this allows for much more unique and creative scenarios you can't really find in strictly sci-fi or strictly fantasy. I totally dig that shit. I didn't know what was actually going on, but I liked the themes of it all. The feet thing was really, really, weird, but you know what, that's where the bizarre charm kicks in again. I feel like this certainly wouldn't be the same game without it.

You have a lot of potential, even if my above review says otherwise. You're imaginative, clever, and can design one hell of a boss battle (although the actual programming side, perhaps not so much). Your stories are intriguing, and your characters equally zany. Look around for people to help you out on graphics and sound, look into programming a better physics engine, and I could see you making something truly unique. Don't give up, man.
Posted by panzercretin August 09, 2012 15:48 - 5 years ago
| [#4]

this game is quite odd
Platforming levels were eh
Vault levels were weird
Gem levels kept spawning gems that were ALL THE SAME COLOR

and the AAAH

got slightly grating during stage 3-4, because that boss has an inordinate amount of health
Posted by Taizen Chisou August 10, 2012 1:15 - 5 years ago
| [#5]

by the way, if anyone wants to see what the game is like but doesn't want to play through it, I have uploaded a full playthrough @
Posted by magicdweedoo August 10, 2012 4:04 - 5 years ago
| [#6]

Thank you everyone for your comments! Magicdweedoo, I really appreciate the playthrough video of my game. Panzermancer, your review is GREAT. It was very helpful. Thanks for the encouragement and I hope I can do better in the future.
Posted by frankie August 10, 2012 19:35 - 5 years ago
| [#7]

Okay, I update this game with a slight update. The first and last bosses now function as they should. Also the vault stages are a bit harder.
Posted by frankie August 13, 2012 12:54 - 5 years ago
| [#8]

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