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November 17, 2017


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Joined June 10, 2006
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Two Plus Two Equals Five
October 17, 2006
February 14, 2008
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September 01, 2010
Cursed Black Demo
February 15, 2011
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June 29, 2015
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December 08, 2006
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Rambling and burnt.
Posted on November 16, 2017 at 16:32

im excited for this break coming up from school. ill get to work on cursed black again. i drew a doodle of Lavander Town yesterday during one of my study breaks, and i suck as an artist but the idea of finishing my game makes me feel complete.

my girlfriend and i have been good lately. she's been really patient at me grinding out hours of studying and i know she wants us to spend time together instead, as would I, but she hasn't given me any issues like one of my past girlfriends did during study time.

i get to go to my hometown tomorrow! after class me and my girlfriend are taking a long trip down there to visit my mom for her birthday, and we'll be hanging out with my friend down there as well, so that will be fun just out of default of getting out of the house.

its definitely a good thing to grow up. just spending hours playing games in front of a TV is fun because there's a sense of gratification by finishing a task, especially a hard one, but ultimately it does dick for life. actually celebrating my mom's birthday, visiting the town i grew up in, hanging out with old friends... much more rewarding, especially in the long run, even if they don't continuously tell me i'm doing a good job like my video games do.

the melee scene seems to be dying a little bit... definitely not as big as it was when the Melee Documentary came out a few years ago, but the game is still fun. i wish i could go to a tournament soon and maybe soon i will, who knows.

here, have some screenshots...

none of these are new... i haven't worked on anything since school started. but this is the fourth rewrite that i did begin this year, so not bad considering 8 months of passive work. i would have to drop everything to finish this very quickly, which i am not willing to do unless i start earning a salary... unlikely for a copyrighted game.

just showing these to tell you guys, i still want to finish this game. yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeears later LOL

blah blah blah blah blah burned. who cares about the following:
My mom's birthday is tomorrow. I haven't got her a gift... dunno what to get her besides money which i do not have as i have been unemployed for about a month now... for the 3rd time this past year. I'll tell ya, living off savings is depressing... there's nothing to replace it.

But this is about her... she's not my favorite person. we're not best friends or anything but she's helped me out a lot and i feel like i owe her. i'm gonna drive down to my hometown to visit her and... i don't have a gift for her since i'm so poor. maybe a drawing? i suck at drawing.

im in anatomy now. i just finished two exams, one anatomy, one immunology, and I have a quiz tomorrow. i did my classic cramming for immunology, which i'm not proud of but necessary to get a good score in anatomy and get myself another job while I wait for the EMT thing to go through. even though i took a few breaks and stayed off facebook/reddit to strictly grind out 9 hours of studying for immunology... i got a B at best and i'm pretty burned out. not to mention... i already went over this part of lecture in anatomy and i could care less about this teacher's lecture habits. this is what i get for going to a "public" university... an unstimulating teacher.


I feel you on this one. I'm at that point as well where I have a decent job, I do decent work, but why put any effort into going beyond that?

Personally, I've concluded that I would be too bored not to. I've taken it as a challenge to go beyond the minimum standard informally set by my friends and relatives. So long as there no harm, no foul at the end of the day whether I meet that challenge or not. Some days its easy, and others I question why I'm even doing it. But at the end of the day I remember why I am doing it and just remind myself to keep in mind the end goal.

I don't think "important" is the best way to look at it, although admittedly I have looked at it this way in the past. I think a positive contributor is a better outlook though because it works on any level. You can be considered important to many people but eventually it'll be exposed if you are really beneficial to everyone else. Its really up to the individual.

Just keep on keepin on man

thanks man... my own philosphy is i would feel guilty about collecting that paycheck if i don't put it what i think i should, which is sadly way more than what other people have told themselves to do. will keep on keeping LOL, i like that.

You're important to her.

I read that when you posted it. immediately, really. i wasn't sure what to say to that because of my own self-esteem bullshit. but yea, you're right. i've noticed i'm very important to her. time to not take that for granted

Buy yourself a chocolate cake.

Other things are awards on their own.
If you have nice clothes, mission accomplished.

i've been paying attention to this, cuz i have been rewarding myself this semester. didn't really noticed i HAD been told that, but i do appreciate you said it cuz maybe it was the last straw to break my back and break my mentality that i shouldn't reward myself, because now i do. fuck, i earned it!

Congratulations. Arguing (especially with strangers) is a massive waste of time, energy and good mood.
You won't make them agree with you.
If you want to support the cause, arguing with random people will not help it.

if i don't agree with someone, ill stay reserved. which i don't like to do, i actually like to talk, but like you said, it doesn't get much done to argue. and i'm sure as shit not gonna start faking what i say and bend them to be lies to get along with people.. that's even worse. end result is i just hate where i am. which... that's exactly what's happening.

i have no cause to support, i just have opinions for which i don't voice because most people are cowards these days anyway, including myself.

Uh, I think it's not. If you have internet, food and clean water, pretty sure it's a 1st world problem.

LOL, thanks for catching that. i felt silly when i read it

Disclaimer: I'm like level 2 at life, have no idea how things work, never went to school, also I'm antisocial. Hope I didn't ruin your mood. Have a good day.

you didn't... no way man lol. thanks for the input

Why does it matter if you're important to somebody? As long as you're important to you, nothing else really matters.

Accept yourself and others will start to accept you. See your flaws, work on them constantly. Grow, be better. Make the man that hits the bed better than the one that arose from it. Have a goal to be happy and do everything you can to fulfill it.

but it does. i am social... it matters to an extent. if i'm hated by literally everybody, you'll see me jumping off a cliff. i'm not... i like to think the people that talk to me don't hate me, and actually care for me. it gives me peace of mind if i'm around people i hate all day that there is that one person out there that doesn't, and actually is happy to see me. gladly, that's my position right now.

i'm working on my flaws as much as i can. my jealosy, my cowardace, my laziness and lack of goals. even my goals are not as specific as they can be, and i try to come up with ways to make my goals more archivable, like for my career, i signed up for a networking opportunity next month to make it more likely to get my job. having a job i like going to... as brief as that period was, made me happy. i'm going to get there again.

honestly don't have a job, nor a girlfriend... And like you, I want to be important. I want to be respected. I want to have some sort of "profile." But, I don't know how to achieve this... You, on the other hand, code games. You are well known throughout the 64Digits community.

Give yourself a pat on the back and accept yourself.

I do, sometimes. i just try to not make a habit of it. especially when its time to be critical and grow... how will i get better if it's OK to be a lazy fuck?

but i appreciate the input... i got put into perspective with your comment cuz i forgot where i was 10 years ago... just sitting there on MSN chat trying desperately to talk to the old veterans of this site only to be ignored cuz i wasn't part of the cool kids... plus i was really annoying LOL, i know this.

How important
Posted on October 12, 2017 at 14:42

I never got an award for how many times I changed my avatar, or how cool my hair looked, or how clean my blog layout looks. I also never got an award for telling people how cool I am by telling them about my video game, or how good I am at Melee. Same thing goes for clothing, cleanliness, grades, job accomplishments... etc.

So really, what's the point?

Well, if you're going for brownie points with people and having them like you, the things I listed you can safely cross off as useless. They do not matter in the long run. They are temporary feel goods in a search for acceptance. When I was the most popular around my peers, was at my job when I constantly voiced the injustices from management and corporate as well as tried to be the person that "didn't give a fuck."

Being that person can suck, but you can definitely get brownie points for it. There's a courage in voicing opinions no one likes, especially among those who aren't willing to say them themselves. I've yet to receive my award for being like this, but I will admit it's the most I've felt accepted.

Right now, I crave for being important. But I'm starting to question why, or if it matters. Feeling important only takes care of me, and that's great for me, but what about the person next to me? My girlfriend? My friends? My family? Why do they care if I'm important or not?

Well, they don't. Only I seem to. But I'm really starting to question as to why it matters besides a feeling standpoint, or a moral standpoint. I got a tip at my job the other day for letting a couple of guests rant about Trump while biting my tongue. For me the argument didn't matter when I was getting money just for listening. This is degrading, because that's not what I stand for at all, yet I signed up for a position where just looking at a person wrong gets their panties in a bunch.

I have not ranted. I have not bitched. I have kept everything to myself and typing this out is making me realize it has to GO somewhere. I felt pride in being able to keep things bothering me to myself, but really... there's no pride in running home to a blog that a bunch of strangers are going to ignore. The real pride is facing these things head on, and with the financial situation I have, I'm afraid I have little options besides sit there and nod along until I get my real career started.

This is definitely a 3rd world problem. Not standing up in what I believe in for fear of retaliation.

And if you call me a Nazi, go fuck yourself.

I'm out her GRINDIN'
Posted on September 18, 2017 at 09:49

EMS Academy - 12 hours a week
Immunology & Anatomy - 9 hours a week
Work - 40 hours a week
Studying - 20 hours a week

Now being offered a commission based job that could pay me $1,000 a week for a few days of work. If I could squeeze this into my schedule I so would, but I don't think I can.

By the end of this semester, I will be able to work as an EMT
By the end of this semester, I would have risen my GPA enough to qualify for the PA program (hopefully)

I'm burned out, but recovered a lil bit yesterday and it's time to keep going. It's hard man. If all goes well, and it will, I will have had this semester of college to be my last one, then 2 years of PA school, then only continued education from here on out.

EMS = Emergency Medical Services
EMT = Emergency Medical Technician (ambulance driver/basic life support)
PA = Physician's Assistant

Party Animation
Posted on August 09, 2017 at 18:48

Here is what I have:

Here's what it represents:

- All 151 Pokemon (plus a few extras) data in game. Full stats, icons, & evo levels.
- Full Attack list. Every single attack is indexed and properly documented (no battle system yet, but that's the easy part)
- Full learnset database. Every pokemon's learnset list is added in.
- Full & complete EV's and IV's integration with algorithms.
- Added extras for possible expansions: items, pokerus, natures, gender (not visible)
- Full HP bar functionality
- Full status afflictions functionality
- Full experience algorithms.

Other things done:
- Pokedex
- Inventory
- Textbox functionality

The work is going well, and going strong. Will continue working on this until I have a full demo available. Things left:

Battle system
Game content (trainers, NPC's, items, events)
Indoor maps (all outdoor maps done)

In reality, I don't have much left to do. I think I'll be releasing two games:

Pokemon: Game Maker Red (full copy of original)
Pokemon: Cursed Black (infamous creepypasta).

This year might be the year. We will see!

List of things I want
Posted on August 02, 2017 at 21:45

I want to have a family
I want to be disciplined
I want to eat healthy
I want to have money
I want to be efficient at my job
I want people to want to talk to me
I want my work to be so outstanding... some, not all people stop to appreciate it
I want my home to be clean and orderly
I want to be loyal to my friends and loved ones by telling them the truth, even if they don't want to hear it
I want to be loyal to my girlfriend regardless of any perverse thoughts I may come across
I want to resolve conflicts on the spot, even if they suck, so they're not swept under the rug.
I want to be able to talk to someone about a hard subject without having to be interrupted by their life story.
I want to finish my video game.
I want my video game to be recognized for the hard work I put in it.
I want to go back to school to get better grades.
I want to be accepted to the nuclear imaging program at UNM.
I want to be accepted to the PA program at UNM.
I want to do both of those without being stuck in huge debt.
I want to be able to plan out a wedding/first kid without the debt being an issue.
I want to be a good car owner so my car doesn't fuck me in the middle of fuckwhere.
I want to pick up guitar again.
I want to be able to cover my favorite Neutral Milk Hotel songs and Beatles songs.
I also want to be able to play some Jack and Eliza songs too. Fuuuu. Definitely get some Black Keys in there.
I want to be able to start a band if I so chose.
I want to play in front of an audience one day.
I want to dedicate "Do you want to hear a secret" to my girlfriend by playing it for her on guitar and singing it.
I want to encourage my girlfriend to finish her book. Her plans sound amazing.
I want to be a fucking excellent boyfriend while not getting fucked over for doing it.
I want to have loyal loved ones.
I want to re-connect with my family at some point. I hate that i hate them.
I want to make friends when I go back to college. I hate how awkward NMSU was because I didn't try.
I want to be able to work as an EMT by January if possible.
I want to constantly be reading a book so I get through my self-imposed library I built up.
I want to have a healthy body by working out constantly.
I want to be a good father so I will read the bible to see what the fuzz is about.
I want to be a good family head by not being a gullible bitch and not backing down from what I believe in just because i'm scared.
I want to be praised for being such a great person....


But i'm not a great person. Nor do I have very realistic ways of achieving even half of that list. This is stretching myself too thin... even an idiot can tell that. So why can't I?

Because I can't respect myself if I don't try at these things. And goddamn am I going to try and get it right, if it kills me.

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