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COMPETITION: Replacement for Cyrus
Posted on October 11, 2016 at 20:37

I've decided that our current Cyrus has gone old and rancid and I am taking it upon myself to host this competition to source a suitable replacement.

Whoever creates and submits the best entry wins a pizza. Entrants will be judged on a Friday, but as for WHICH Friday, well.

Posted on September 07, 2016 at 12:31

*walks around 64digits in his underwear and drinks straight from the milk carton, because nobody else is here*

Posted on July 30, 2016 at 14:06

Once upon a time, there was a young writer who had a fantastic idea for a story, but became lazy and never got around to expanding it beyond the first sentence. The end.

I made a vaporwave
Posted on April 21, 2016 at 00:32

The Horrible Truth About Penny Lane
Posted on January 16, 2016 at 17:08

"In Penny Lane there is a barber showing photographs
Of every head he's had the pleasure to know"

A display of headshot photographs? Hmmmmm, where have we seen these before? Memorials for victims of disasters? Missing posters? The cunning narrator wishes to deceive us into thinking he's displaying different hairstyles, but why would the narrator not just say "hair" instead? Very strange.

"And all the people that come and go
Stop and say hello"

Why the fuck would people stop and say hello to these photographs if they were just pictures of hairstyles? Something strange is going on. Clearly this is an impromptu memorial to some sort of horrific disaster which has occurred.

"On the corner is a banker with a motorcar
The little children laugh at him behind his back
And the banker never wears a mack
In the pouring rain, very strange"

Take note of this so-called "banker", he will play a very important role later. He is the only person on Penny Lane who doesn't fit in with the scenery. Even worse, he doesn't fit in with the appearance HE HIMSELF is trying to give. Why would a so-called "banker" NOT wear a mack in the pouring rain? Bankers are intelligent, practical people, and this person, clearly, is not. Very strange indeed PAUL.

"In Penny Lane the barber shaves another customer
We see the banker sitting waiting for a trim
And then the fireman rushes in
From the pouring rain, very strange"

We are expected to take this as just an innocent observation, but take note of how Mr. McCartney CLEARLY makes sure to describe this person as a fireman. What possible reason would a fireman, clearly uniformed and therefore on duty (how else would he know that he's a fireman), be running into a barber shop of all places if not in an attempt to avert imminent catastrophe? Clearly some sort of a bomb threat has been phoned in and the closest emergency responder is rushing in to apprehend the suspect, who is clearly the so-called "banker" waiting for a trim.

I would like to take a brief opportunity to bring your attention to the urban dictionary definition of "trim", which is essentially slang for the opportunity to partake in a woman's vagina. Radical Islamist terrorists have frequently cited their reasons for committing suicide atrocities as being in the hope of receiving 72 virgins upon arrival in heaven. A mere coincidence? I think not.

"Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes"
This, in my opinion, is the most damning piece of evidence. The suicide bomber has exploded, and a mountain of dust and debris has been kicked up around the barber's shop, covering our narrator's ears and eyes in, literally, Penny Lane.

"Well beneath the blue suburban skies"
Why is it "well beneath" the blue suburban skies and not merely "beneath"? Perhaps something is now separating Penny Lane from the blue suburban skies above? Perhaps A CLOUD OF DUST AND ASH AND SMOKE?

The high pitched screeching sound at the end of the song
This is clearly meant to imitate the sound of ringing ears after a blast.

Wake up sheeple.

The 72 hour MMORPG score
Posted on November 28, 2015 at 23:56

Fun story behind this one:

In late 2013, I was hired to write the score for an indie MMORPG which was about to be kickstarted (For $100,000! Astonishingly, it failed!). The developer had gotten rid of their previous composer, the Kickstarter was just a week and a half away from beginning, by which time, there needed to be a trailer and tech demo complete with ~15 minutes of music. To make matters worse, I had a week-long holiday booked three days after I was hired, which meant I only had 72 hours to write ~15 minutes of music. Fun!

Somehow, with little-to-no sleep for those three days, I managed it, and I think the results turned out alright. It's not my best work, but considering I was falling asleep every 5 minutes and in excruciating pain towards the end of writing it, I guess I deserve a pass? I hadn't listened to most of it since I first wrote it, and I was surprised by the quality, so I figured it was good enough to upload.

Despite all of that work, the Kickstarter ended up being pushed back a month (because visual artists are wimps and can't go three days without sleep, apparently). Even worse, after writing another two more tracks for the game, I was eventually dropped from the project over creative differences, the music was never used, and I never got paid for my work. :)

Anyway, the moral of the story is to put rejection provisions into your contracts (or just don't become a composer, that's also a very reasonable course of action). Enjoy!


American mods are asleep
Posted on November 26, 2015 at 17:57

American mods are in turkey-induced comas. Post European propaganda everywhere.

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